22 tips for Christmas gifts

My apologizes in not writing for a bit.  I’ve been working on a disjointed mural these past few days as well as traveling to San Diego and now Tahoe.

The mad rush of Christmas shopping is quickly approaching. It’s been awhile since I’ve written a 22-Series so here are my 22 tips for gift shopping.  Good luck out there!  And yes, I agree, it would be nice to turn Ayn Rand during holiday season and not buy gifts but rather, give time.  Alas, how would we get gifts in return? ;)

1.)  Try not to use gift bags. Sometimes there’s no other way of doing it but to put the gift in a bag, but think of this: don’t you find yourself fishing around the bottom of the bag to make sure you got everything?  Oh the horror and embarrassment if there isn’t anything besides the one thing.

2.)  Include batteries.  Or if it’s pricy, include a case to protect it.

3.)  I’m a big fan of pairing gifts.  If you’re going to buy someone one of those mini popcorn machines, include a box of popcorn.  If you’re going to buy a smoker The Big Lebowski, include some green or a cheap robe.  If you’re going to buy someone a retro Polaroid camera, buy them a picture frame.  I bought my Charming Fellow an iPod one year and in the same stocking included This Is Your Brain on Music. 

4.)  Books, cds, and dvds are tricky.  If they want a certain one or are open to new things, then they might really enjoy the gift. Ex. If they liked Kill Bill, then they might like Inglorious Bastards. But beware, this can backfire.  I bought The Hang-Over for someone who had never heard of it and one of Obama’s books to someone I didn’t realize was a Republican.

5.)  Listen 2 months in advance for what the person might want.  The one of best gifts I ever received was a pearl necklace from My Charming Fellow.  He bought me the necklace because a few months prior I sent fake ones to a friend for her birthday, saying every sophisticated woman needed a set of pearls.  He liked the idea and surprised the hell out of me by buying me real ones.  The best gift I ever gave was a cactus cookbook to a friend I had gone book shopping with two months earlier who had held it in her hands, wanted it so desperately, but put it back. The next week I walked it and bought it and held it until Christmas.

6.)  Ok, no one likes those prepackaged gift you see at the store because they know you bought it last minute and it was probably the cheapest one.  Thing is, I LOVE THOSE THINGS.  A huge trio of hot coco?  Yes, please.  A useless juggling kit?  Sounds awesome.  The trick is to open the package, pair it with something, and wrap differently.  Ex. Someone opens up a kitschy box and finds a trio of hot coco with a newly-released movie. A new mom opens up a wrapped gift with a juggling kit and a slim, funny novel about juggling motherhood.

7.)  Don’t add to someone’s collection unless they mention it.  Just because someone has a house full of angels or nutcrackers doesn’t mean they want you to be the umpteenth person to buy them yet another one.

8.) Buy something someone has talked about for a long time but isn’t quite pressing enough to buy for themselves.  Ex. I’ll use myself for this one.  I’ve always wanted a pizza making kit, a frivolous huge bongo drum, a years-worth of Netflix, and a telescope.  Would never buy any of them for myself.

9.) Be wary of overused gifts, like lotions and candles and tools.  It doesn’t show much personal touch—even if the person would love to receive lotions, candles, or tools.

10.) Sometimes it’s nice to help out someone with a hobby with expenses.  Ex. Buy  an artist a new canvas and fresh brushes.  For someone who likes to bake, a quirky cookbook with flour and a bag of sugar.

11.) Gag gifts are great with the right age group.  I once bought UCLA alum ASU t-shirts one year and they bought me a UCLA t-shirt the next year.

12.)  Let’s be honest, we as Americans secretly love labels.  So even if you can’t figure out what to get ___,  if they shop at say, Urban Outfitters, buy something cheap from the store but wrap it in the Urban Outfitters shopping bag. 

13.) You can’t lose with giving alcohol.  Though knowing me, I’d still pair it up with something, like chips if it’s cheaper or cheese if it’s one the pricier side.

14.)  On tickets and gift cards: tickets are almost always a winner.  It shows that you know what they like, plus it shows that you want to spend time with them in the future date.  The only downside is that tickets are usually way in advanced, so it’s hard to get elated about something in summer when it’s still winter.  Though I bought Lady Gaga tickets in April and WAS SOOOO EXCITED EVERY DAY until August.  And gift cards?  Don’t do it.  Just don’t do it for Christmas.  Do it for their birthday.

15.) Fuck gifts and make something or bake something.  Nothing beats homemade treats. I’ve given out cd mixes to people, and back in the day my mom would buy glass flasks and made this holiday alcohol drink to give out to her friends.

16.)  Wrapping paper is so overpriced.  Head to the dollar store to get more intriguing (and cheaper) wrappings like boxes, or alcohol sleeves, or stockings.  I have this white patterned bed sheet I don’t need anymore so I think I’ll wrap my gifts in that this year.

Other tips:

17.)  Moms: Know what they want already.  They’ve probably been dropping hints for months now.  Ex. camera, perfume.

18.) Dads: Usually prefer quick functionality.  Ex. A hammock, cologne, a water gun to get rid of the birds outside.

19.) Siblings: Something funny, but at the same time they might want it.  Ex. Twilight    calendar (pair with the movie), belt buckle beer opener (pair with aspirin).

20.) Dating partner: The current hyped electronic tends to work best + something sentimental.  Ex. The new iPod with a cd of the band you guys saw in concert. A sporting good (ex. a new skateboard) or tickets (ex. to a local museum exhibit in town) also work wonderfully for those who are already over-loaded with the electronic world. 

21.) Roommate: Baked goods, alcohol. 

22.) Yourself: Go ahead and buy yourself that 2-ft long candy cane, or that on-sale classic movie box set, or that holiday beer sample six-pack.  Just use a coupon and feel the holiday joy, not the guilt.

My favorite book--The Giver

I'm going to begin writing my final thesis for my Archetypes on Children's Literature course soon, and since I'm writing on the archetypes of dystopia in Lois Lowery's The Giver series, I thought it was time to tell you about The Giver.  I hope you don't mind that this isn't a formal review, but a love note to my favorite book as a fan. 

The Giver is quite simply my favorite book.  I first read it for the first time in the 6th grade and again in the 7th grade, again in high school, again in college, and had it read to me in Mexico after accidentally overdosing on Advil after my muscles locked up from horse back riding for the first time in my life.  I've flipped through it many more times as well. 

Lowry, in the form of kid's book, creates the best use of dystopia/utopia I've ever come across in literature.  George Orwell's 1984 or Margaret Atwood's A Handmaid's Tale, or Aldus Huxley's Brave New World  or even the short story "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas" by Ursula K. Le Guin are explicit situations of dystopia in which no person would ever want to live in those worlds.  The Giver is different.

The world of The Giver is a rather logical conclusion to the wants of society.  Lowry's world is a seductive one, without poverty, without the knowledge of death, without war or rudeness or broken families.  Family units care for one an other and society does well to fed and provide for its citizens.  Upon each citizen's 12th birthday they are assigned a career, based on the volunteering that person has done and their personality traits.  Everyone is content and happy.  Don't be confused that happiness is joy, however.

In return for a life free of debt, crime, illness, and fear the community long ago traded in color, and love, and holidays, and family by birth, and choice.  There is one person who retains knowledge and memories of the world before Sameness, The Receiver.  Upon Jonas' 12th birthday he is selected to become the next Receiver as the current one is retiring.

The old Receiver, whom Jonas calls The Giver seeing that the old man is "giving" Jonas knowledge, is not the quintessential archetype of The Sage as you may believe.  Oh yes, he is old and weathered.  He does provides guidance.  He is in the community to solve problems should one arise due to his wisdom.  But he is apart by choice.  He has a disdain towards the community that Jonas does not understand.  

Jonas begins to receive memories of the past and learns of mountains to sled down (traded away for better land for farming), and sunshine (traded away for controlled weather) and love and Christmas (traded away due to pain of loss).  Jonas becomes agitated with his friends for not knowing what love is.  He feels restricted by knowing a world of joy and sorrow and can't express it to his family unit nor to his community since they chose not to know so they can be content in their pain-free existence. 

He decides to run away.  When the previous Receiver-in-training quit the memories of the past flooded back into the minds of the community.  Jonas hopes that by running away his year's worth of memories will disperse back into the community and they will know what grandparents and love and joy really mean.

He flees.  It takes many weeks, but in the end he finds himself on top of hill with a sled in front of him.  Christmas lights twinkle below. 

When I read the book as a child it was so fucking clear to me how right Jonas was.  I too was agitated at his friends for not understanding.  I too felt the apartness of The Giver.  I could sympathize with the world lacking in death and chaos, but what is a world without love?

As I have gotten older I have seen pain.  I have been hungry when I didn't have the cash for groceries.  I have been freezing and shaking without heat and wishing someone could make it warmer outside.  Christmas is coming and presents I can't afford will need to be bought.  A war has been fought for 9 years now and no one seems to care.  Bodies are piling up, but no weapons of mass destruction have ever been found.  And I have seen death.  I saw my grandmother hooked up to IVs in the hospital with an oxygen mask covering her screams.  My grandpa on my mother's side slowly succumbed to liver cancer and I watched as his skin turned yellow and his words became gibberish.  My father died when I was 18.  Too many surgeries.  The holes in his intestine and bladder were sealed but he didn't take care of himself.  Blood everywhere.  I picked out his dark oak casket on a Monday.  And my future death--that scary question of what comes after if anything?  I wouldn't mind living in a world without these things.

And yet.  And with all of the hungry, death, and pain I've seen and have felt, I wouldn't trade love and holidays and sunshine next to a pool and snowy mountains with a hot cup of tea.  Despite the world, I would still run away with Jonas to Elsewhere. 

There has been much written about the idea of socialism in the book and I would personally dispute it to a point.  Sure, the argument can be clearly made that Jonas' community is socialist but since the solution has little to do with neither political nor economic structures, the argument appears almost mute to me.  What I do see it as it an alert for any political or social structure that requires too much sacrifice. Safety in exchange for privacy, anyone?  

There has also been things written about the use of genders in this community.  Play productions of this book have featured The Giver as being an old woman, for instance.  Perhaps it's not a coincidence that Lowry's next book in the series features a female protagonist. 

Which brings me to the end of this entry, and to honest, the reason I wrote this entry in the first place.  I'm going to be reading the rest of the books in the series for the very first time to gather up proper evidence for my thesis.  I don't really want to.  I want Jonas to remain on that hill, ready to sled down to meet up with a new family and a new life.  That's the funny thing about utopias; we don't have to grow up if we don't want to.  But I guess it's time.    

Vote.

"Throw dirt on me/ and grow a wildflower" ~ Lil Wayne.

I'm crushed this day after election day.  My I Voted sticker is on my bathroom counter, sad and losing its glue.  I won't go too much into politics here issue by issue, but I can say, with unequivocal disgust, what an embarrassment it is that only 25% of people in Arizona voted in this election. 

I walked into my house last night, weary from 3.5 hours of sleep due to writing an American Romanticim paper until 4am, waking up at 7:15am to finish up a fiction piece for my Literary Magazines class, left my house by 8am to drive 45 minutes away to vote in my district, then drove back to work an 8 hour day.  I walked through my house door with my work clothes heavy on my skin but my I Voted sticker grinning from my shirt.  

My roommates were sitting together on the couches peering at me like cheap entertainment as I walked up the stairs into the living room.  "You voted?" one of my roommates asked me incredulous.  "Of course I did," I said sharply.  "Why?" he continued in a sarcastic voice to the amusement of the crowd of my roommates.  "Because it's important," I answered matter-of-factly. "To who?" "To me," I answered simply.

I was getting annoyed.   Another one of my roommates said that voting doesn't matter since so many of the issues win by huge majorities.  "Sure," I said, "sometimes some issues are pretty fixed, but not always.  Sometimes it comes down to the wire and every vote does matters."  There was grumbling among things and more snide remarks, but the cynicism wasn't boding well with my sleep-deprived body.  "I'm glad that I voted.  I'm proud of myself."  I walked up the stairs without bothering with anyone's counter-remarks.

An issue everyone in the house cared about lost by 5,500 votes.  Every vote mattered.  Every vote counted.

Meeting novelist Lucy Hawking

At a children’s birthday party several years ago a little boy asked Lucy Hawking’s dad what would happen to him if he fell into a black hole.  Lucy Hawking’s father, of course, is eminent astrophysicist (and arguably the most brilliant scientist since Einstein) Stephen Hawking, and that precocious question has lead to two children’s books about space, with a third coming out next summer.

Lucy Hawking came out to Arizona State last week to talk about her two novels and the direction of space science within children’s literature.

A cute blonde woman with a thick British accent, Hawking talked to her audience as one friend might talk to another over a cup coffee.  Hawking had been working as a journalist in the UK when her son was diagnosed with autism at the age of three.  Along with the other challenges that goes along with autism, Hawking was concerned on how her son would be able to one day understand the principles of science and space.  The question at the birthday party inspired the answer.

Hawking had previously written two short stories, Jaded (2004) and Run for Your Life (2005) and called up her editor with the proposal of a story of a child traveling through space.  They were both surprised that little to no previous literature had been written on the topic and Hawking was soon at work with her father and her father’s colleagues to get a better understanding of different elements of space and how to best describe it to children.

The product was 2007’s George’s Secret Key to the Universe, an adventure tale about a boy called George who finds himself on a space shuttle traveling around the solar system.  Scientists and astronauts around George provide him with answers to how space works.  This book has since been translated in 38 languages in 43 countries. In this first novel Hawking wanted to focus on the creation of stars.

In the follow up novel, George’s Cosmic Treasure Hunt (2009), Hawking wanted to turn her focus onto space travel in general, with an emphasis on shuttles, rockets, and looking for signs of life outside of Earth. 

Hawking told the class that she recently fished her third novel (yet to be named) which will finish George’s adventures with the explanation of The Big Bang.

Hawking joked to the class “You can’t write “the end” at the end of your manuscript but I did.  I just described The Big Bang to kids, I’ll do as I like!”

She was also quite excited to share with us that George’s Secret Key to the Universe is set to become a live-action children’s tv series on the BBC in the upcoming months.

In taking questions from the audience she stated that she has never been challenged by creationists for her works.  She said that the books explain how things in space are, not “explain how they came to be that way.”  The character of Eric is based on her father, and the character of Annie is meant as a female scientist for little girls to look up to.  When I asked her if she felt that children’s books should focus more on fact-based issues such as space rather than wizards or vampires she said “No no, whatever gets children reading.”  While she said that her books are not meant to give importance to one school of thought over another, she does have subtle messages in her books such as unity and conserving the environment.

Hawking will be staying in Arizona for a few weeks as she tours her books around Phoenix classrooms as well as participating in Arizona State University’s Origins Project, where she’ll be researching the origin of evil within the history of literature. 

Ishmael as a female orphan archetype (from Moby Dick)

Here's my analysis of why Ishmael was the sole survivor of Moby Dick and the sinking of the Pequod.  I'm proud to say I received an A on this essay. 

Abstract

In the final minutes of the sinking Pequod, the representation of Greed and Masculinity, two orphans are thrust into the sea: a bold sea-hawk and a meek man.  Two orphans; only one survivor of the fates.  Ishmael lives to tell his tell not because he is courageous like the bird, or a well-oiled corporation like his ship; he survives the wreak because he faithfully adheres to his role as an Orphan archetype, or more specially, his embodiment of the female orphan archetype carries him to safety

Essay: 

Female Orphan at Sea

Awash in the violent sea of sin, the Pequod, the archetypal Home, Greed, and Masculinity sinks to its death.  Two orphans are thrust into the sea: a bold sea-hawk and a meek man.  Two orphans; only one survivor of the fates.  Ishmael lives to tell his tell not because he is courageous like the bird, or a well-oiled corporation like his ship; he survives the wreak because he faithfully adheres to his role as an Orphan archetype, or more specially, his embodiment of the female orphan archetype carries him to safety.

The Orphan archetype has been played out in the centuries hundreds of times over, as a young orphan starts out with a cruel family or an absent family, and seeks out adventure as well as a replacement familial unit. What makes Ishmael unique, however, is that his Orphan’s journey is more archetypal to a female Orphan versus a male Orphan.  In most classic tales, the orphan finds him or herself on journey for glory, and once tested by evil, return home.  However, the boys return as wealthy heroes or die as martyrs, whereas the girls return more or less to the same state as when they first began, with little more than some knowledge of the world and a story to their name.  Ishmael may not even have a name to give.

From the trepid start Ishmael forges himself out as the archetypal Orphan.  “Call me Ishmael (18),” he asks his listeners.   It is almost to imply that this is not his real name, for no one throughout the novel ever speaks his name directly.  While it seems plausible that one would change his or her name for matters of privacy or issues of shame, it appears that ‘Ishmael’ is a moniker he conceived for himself for its cemented history of being a name for an outcast, an orphan to the world.  He wants to be seen as The Orphan figure from the start so his listeners may garner ethos as Ishmael as a storyteller and unlikely survivor. 

Autumn cocktails and treats

Autumn.  A time for pumpkins, sweaters, midterms, and my personal favorite: Halloween cocktail parties.  In honor of this month of October, my roommates and I have hosted three soirees with drinks and treats.  Cheers to you and yours!

1.)    Pumpkin martinis with black and orange nachos

 

Start October right with some fabulous pumpkin martinis.  There are several recipes online, but due to costs and scouting issues, we decided to improvise our martini recipe with our own concoction.  Mix it up and figure out what balance is right for you and your guests.

Pumpkin Martinis:
--Vanilla vodka
--Pumpkin (from a can works)
--Cinnamon
--Nutmeg
--Amoretto (not too much)
--Milk
--Ice

Shake it together and pour into martini glass rimmed with a pinch of cinnamon sugar.  The drink will appear as a slightly murky dark orange but trust me, they were a huge hit.

Black and Orange Nachos:
--Tostitos Scoops® chips

--Black beans
--Orange cheddar cheese
--Black olives
--Pico de gallo salsa

Here’s the thing about nachos: It’s usually a mess.  Nearly all restaurants will pile on beans and cheese and whatever else onto a dysfunctional plate of chips and call it a meal.  With this simple recipe, take the extra time to place beans and cheese into each individual chip. (which is why Tostitos Scoops® is such a help).  Each chip will already be black and orange due to the beans and cheese, so make sure you only put black olives on top of half of the chips and “bloody” red salsa on the remaining half. Your guests will appreciate the colorful bite-size snack with their delicious drink. 

2.)    Apple Pie martinis with caramel apples

Once again, I must apologize for not having the specifics measurements of this martini recipe.  I wrote it out on a Post-it note and in living with 4 people who knows where anything goes after being left out in the living room for a day.  Time to be creative!

Apple Pie Martinis

--Vodka (personally I only use Sky or Smirnoff)
--Goldschlager schapps liqueur (I used cheap cinnamon liquor instead.  Don’t use too much)
--Apple juice
--Cranberry juice
--Ice

Shake together and place into martini glasses that have been rimmed with sugar.  It’s a spicy martini with a nice pink color to it. 

Caramel Apples:

--Small Granny Smith apples
--two bags of caramel candies
--two bags of chocolate chips, one bittersweet, one medium sweet
--Halloween-colored sprinkles
--Small bag of cookies
--Small Bag of Marshmellows
--24 popsicle sticks

Damn, these were good.  Seriously good.  The first and most important step is getting the right apples.  Granny Smith is the way to go, since the bitter apple with balance the indulgently sweet caramel and chocolate toppings.  Clean the apples and stick a popsicle stick into the tops of each one.  Melt two bags of caramel candies into bowl (with 2 tablespoons of water).  Dip each apples into the melted caramel and place on a baking sheet lined with wax paper.  When all of the apples are done, place in the refrigerator for about 20-30 minutes for the caramel to harden. 

Vajazzle Dazzle (vajazzle article)

"Vajazzle dazzle"

[This is my trend article on vajazzling.  I'm proud to say I got an A on this article]

When Ashley goes out with the girls on Friday night she’ll double-check her glittering earrings, her sparkling necklaces, her shiny bracelets, and her newly gemmed sunburst currently exploding on her “vayjayjay”. 

It’s going to be a bright weekend, indeed.

What is vajazzling?  It’s the decoration of the “naughty bits” region of women with gems in various patterns, and it’s been making quite a glittering splash in popularity this year.  These gems have adhesive glue which allows the crystals to remain on the skin for 5-10 days and can be placed either on top of the pelvic bone or on the nether lips themselves. 

Call the vajazzling look the “pink disco ball”, “labia sprinkles”, or my personal favorite, “va-dazzling”, vajazzling has been making 2010 a very shiny year.

New York City’s Completely Bare Spa has taken credit for originating vajazzling, as it has offered the Brazilian Wax vajazzle combination deal for a few short years.  This past March Jennifer Love Hewitt went on air with George Lopez talking about her own vajazzling, and the trend has gained popularity every since. 

Vajazzling is often done at salon, but vajazzle take-home kits are now available.  Vajazzle Kits™ was established in early 2010 by Australian businesswoman, Susan Butler, who watched Hewitt’s interview and decided to market the crystals on a global scale.  Vajazzling kits can now be found in The United States, The United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, and Canada.

Vajazzling Kits™ and knock-off kits are available at adult shops or, for the Martha Stewart types, any general store with gemmed temporary tattoos.  These kits usually run for about $15.  Full vajazzling services, from the wax to the dazz can run about $75-$115 depending on the salon.

While vajazzling itself is new, it is a part of a larger trend of wide-ranging female grooming.  In some Middle Eastern countries female pubic grooming has been around for centuries, but in the United States, the trend of bikini waxing and later full Brazilian waxing has gained popularity since the 1940s when bikinis and underwear began to shrink in size, exposing the hair.  In the 1990s it became the norm in pornography to feature Brazilian-waxed girls and the full Brazilian movement has taken off ever since.

Oddly enough, there aren’t many hard statistics on vajazzling, let alone numbers on shaving, trimming, and waxing.  Dr. Debby Herbenick , a sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute, Associate Director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction notes with frustration on kinseyconfidential.com that, “There have only been a handful of studies on the topic and most have used convenience samples that don’t give us valid or reliable information about American women on the whole.”

No major institute, from the Kinsey Institute to any American university has done any deep research into this hairy issue.  While forums and articles on waxing are popular in female magazines, no sturdy polls can be found.

There are a few websites that conduct their own independent polls, such as misterpoll.com which stated that out of 231 anonymous online voters 64% responded that they shave all of their pubic hair, 12% of participates said that they shave 90-100% of all of their hair, and only 4% voted that they don’t shave at all.  Scientificamerican.com cited a 2008 issue of Sex Roles where Flinders University psychologists Marika Tiggemann and Suzanna Hodgson, for example, found that 76% of a sample of 235 female undergraduate students from Australia reported ever having removed their pubic hair. Of course, turn on any tv show or pick up any female magazine and you’ll find waxing jokes and tips galore. 

Considering that “Brazilian wax salon” rips up 104,048 results on Google maps, and typing in “vajazzle” to Yahoo! Search puckers in 929,000 results, clearly there is an untapped market of research on “Chewbacca”-fearing women.

Ashley heard about vajazzling about a year ago on the late night series Real Sex on HBO.  Last week she vajazzled her sunburst via a home kit. “I wanted to try it myself before I got it done professionally,” she said. “I like it a lot. It’s something new.  I don’t think I’d vajazzle all the time, but for special occasions like Halloween, or fun nights out with the girls.  It’s for me.  I think body decoration is fun; a way to express yourself.” 

Ashley joked, “I would bully all of my friends to vajazzle. This sunburst is just the beginning.  Next time I’m going to have the whole solar system on my vagina.”     

Ashley isn’t the only woman raving about vajazzling.  Vajazzling has been mentioned on Fox News, Salon.com, and it’s on the September cover of Cosmopolitan Magazine.

“I can’t wait to get vajazzled!” said Elizabeth.  Elizabeth heard of vajazzling from her friends and is hoping to set an appointment sometime next week. She wants to go all out for her first design.  “I want to my vagina to be as pretty as possible.  If we’re going to wax it, we might as well get it gemmed.”  She has a few ideas of what she wants to get gemmed south of her geography, including something for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, but her current top choice is “something extreme like a massive butterfly that’s spreading its wings on my vagina.  My vagina makes a statement.”

Men seems to be split on the topic of vajazzling.  Some find the idea erotic, others find it gratuitous.

Thedoctorweighsin.com quoted Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First, the Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, in saying, “Most men don’t pick up on minutiae like that, they’re just excited to have access to the area.”

Joshua has his own thoughts on vajazzling.  “I think personally it’s a little much; it’s a little bright,” he said. “Some landscaping would suffice.  As for jewelry, it would make me feel uncomfortable—like I need to be up to par with the sparkle.” 

When I mentioned to Josh that “penazzling”, the decoration of the penis with gem stones, is now available in salons, Josh responded with a hearty laugh.

Vajazzle crystals do not need to be placed near the pubic area exclusively.  Some women chose to place the crystals on their arms, backs, or stomachs.  As long as the skin is smooth from hair, vajazzling may take place.

There is no age limit for vajazzling.  The only requirement is full wax or shave, which women of all ages participate in, though body decoration in general is more common in younger generations.  Pew Research Center has found that about 54% of Gen Nexters, Americans in the age range of 18-25, have done one or more of the following: gotten a tattoo, dyed their hair an untraditional color, or had a body piercing in a place other than their ear lobe.

Rio Wax Salon in Phoenix has since seen the vajazzle business grow since the Hewitt interview.  Salon worker Catherine (who would not issue a last name) stated that “Vajazzling is a very popular service.  Quite popular with all ages.”

There is little danger associated with vajazzling, aside from possible allergic reactions to the glue, and the ripping-your-skin-raw feel of a getting a professional Brazilian.  However some men I’ve talked to have expressed trepidation in swallowing a gem by mistake. 

Patrick, for one, isn’t worried about this possibility.

“If a girl puts in the time to vajazzle, I’d appreciate that and show her that,” he said.  “I’d go to town on her. Yes, definitely go to town.”

Not all women, however, or keen on vajazzling.

“I think honesty it’s sad,” said Alyssa. “I don’t see why women have to go to such extremes to please men.  And what the hell kind of fetishes for you have If you vajazzle for yourself?”  Alyssa sees vajazzle as another type of self-deprecation. “I think it’s sad all these people put all this time into personal appearance.  We’re in a world where personal aesthetic is more important then what’s inside.”

Will vajzzling last?  It’s too new to tell.  However, vajazzling belongs in a larger menagerie of shaving, trimming, waxing, piercing, stenciling, dying, tattooing, and other procedures of the “pink lady”.  Josh for one wonders what will come next for those who dazz their vag.

“I mean, why not throw in a disco ball or a strobe light?  I mean, if you’re really trying to go all out…maybe a promoter?”

Most friends do lunch.  In honor of this article, my friends and I vajazzled. Perhaps in a statistic of its own, all of my twentysomething friends and I were already bare to begin with for a home kit.

I’ll be honest, the gems are quite pretty and they were easy to place on top of the skin, but I don’t find them to be particularly interesting.  However, as a proper journalist, I decided to webcam my out-of-state boyfriend for a reactionary response. Let’s just say I got a visible thumbs-up.

If all it takes is a few gem stones to rejuvenate my relationship of four years and have a fun conversation with the girls, I for one don’t mind the sparkle.

Maybe it’s time to add a little dazzle to your weekend too?

Sources:

1.)    Block, Jenny. “Fox on Sex: Vagazzling: Do you dare decorate ‘Down There?’”. foxnews.com. FOX News, np. 19 Apr. 2010.  Web. 30 Sep. 2010.  

2.) Williams, Mary Elizabeth.  “The secrets of “vajazzling”: Lady parts: now with    more sparkle”.  salon.com. Salon, np.  15 Jan. 2010.  Web.  30 Sep 2010. 

3.)    Pew Research Center.  (2010). 36%--Tattooed Gen Nexters [Data file].  Retrieved from http://pewresearch.org/databank/dailynumber/?NumberID=237.

4.)    Patrick.  Personal interview 30. Sept 2010.

5.)     Elizabeth. Personal interview. 5 Oct 2010

6.)    Catherine [Rio Wax Salon worker]. Personal interview. 6 Oct 2010.

7.)     Ashley. Personal interview. 9 Oct. 2010

8.)    Joshua.  Personal interview. 12 Oct. 2010.

9.)    Alyssa.  Personal interview. 12. 0ct. 2010.

10.) Mister Poll. (2010). Pubic hair method, ect [data file].  Retrieved from http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/450027/results

11.) Herbenich (M.P.H., Ph.D), Debby. “Q&A: Young American Women: Only Ones Who Shave Their Pubic Area?”.  kinseyconfidential.org. Kinsey Confidential. 8 Feb 2010. Web. 11 Oct 2010.

12.) Bering, Jesse. “A bushel of facts about the uniqueness of human pubic hair.”. scientificamerican.com. Scientific American. 1 Mar 2010. Web. 12 Oct 2010.

13.) Salber, Patricia.  “Want to look pretty “down there?”. thedoctorisin.com.  The Doctor Is In.  12 July 2010.  Web. 12 Oct 2010.